Disconfirmation or Defensive

In one of my classes, we did a group exercise where everyone gave an introduction speech to their group. Afterwards, the group took turns providing feedback about what the person should avoid doing and what to improve on. I immediately knew this was going to be hard because when you speak, everyone is pretty much focusing on what you are doing wrong. When people gave feedback, I almost wanted to jump in and volunteered what I sucked at doing. I listened to people, but kept going, “Yeah I know”, “I was nervous”, “It’s hard not to…”, etc. My way of being defensive was giving excuses as to why I was doing a certain thing or admitting that I knew I did that. I think Gibb’s evaluation versus description could be applied to this. Basically, everyone took this exercise as a way to be critical, instead of constructive. Group members used evaluative terms instead of descriptive terms, so it felt more like a personal attack than a constructive exercise. At the end of the exercise, it was kind of awkward for everyone because we had basically finished pointing out each other’s presenting flaws. If the feedback was more empathetic or problem oriented instead of personally fixated, I think we would have engaged in more conversation after the exercise.

Confirmation

I would like to think that I have confirmed others, even when I disagree with them. Right now, I can’t recall a time when I overtly disagreed with anyone or had an interaction that I felt completely against with another person. When people speak to me, I always make it a point to acknowledge and listen to them. I have always been taught to be respectful of others, so I definitely confirm people when they communicate to me. I also think to myself that if I were talking to someone and they didn’t acknowledge me, I would feel disrespected and upset, so I don’t do it to others. I think that for the most part, I try to be very understanding of whom people are and the ideas that they endorse. Just because someone disagrees with you on a particular idea shouldn’t take away from who they are as a person. I can see how it would be difficult to distinguish people from the ideas they endorse, especially if they are issues we feel strongly about. I definitely try to keep touchy subjects out of my conversations so that it doesn’t blur the lines of separating a person and the ideas that they may hold.

Concept from Chapter 8

The discussion on the concept of Respond Constructively to Criticism was useful because I liked how it taught us to find the positives out of statements. I have to say, taking criticism is always hard because it usually feels like a personal attack. It is easy to get defensive and not hear out what the other person has to say. No one wants to be judged or have their flaws and insecurities pointed out, but we can learn to respond constructively to criticism. We can start by asking for clarifications so that we can better understand what the other person is saying. This gives us an opportunity to learn not only more about ourselves, but also about how others may perceive us or how we can reevaluate our actions. If the criticism is coming from a person we trust and respect, it probably wouldn’t hurt to think about what they had to say. We can’t always reflect on ourselves without the help of others, so thinking about what they had to say may open our eyes to some aspects.

Fallacies

The fallacies discussion was interesting because I think at one point or another, we have all probably experienced them. The two I related to the most was (1) Obsession with shoulds and (2) Taking responsibility for others. When people communicate to you their problems, it is instinctive to want to offer advice and help. I usually apply shoulds because I think that it is what the person is looking for, playing out alternatives for different outcomes to make them feel better. I can see now that this can take away from approaching the problem in a constructive way. Other fallacy is that of taking responsibility for others. Whenever I have been approached with someone feeling upset or hurt, I try and find areas where I could have done things differently. I am of the mindset that there is always something we could have done differently and that communication happens between two or more people, so I bear just as much responsibility as anyone else. However, I can see from the text that it can have negative feedback when applied incorrectly. It can distract from another person’s responsibility and place guilt on you. It is important to be aware of the fallacies we may approach in our intrapersonal communication. Taking a careful look at our communication with others can help us revise how we communicate with others so that it is more beneficial and constructive for both parties.

Perspective on Emotions

Parts of the physiological influences and social influences on emotions made sense to me. I do think that when we encounter something, we have a physiological reaction first before it develops into an emotion. When we get excited or nervous about something, our heart rate might increase. Physiological reactions can happen without us even realizing it because we are more focused on the event at hand than our body’s first reaction. I also think social influences are a big part of emotions because there are certain situations and norms we are taught to feel a certain way about. Framing rules guide events like weddings and special occasions with certain emotions we are supposed to have towards it. Feeling rules reflect our values in culture and social groups by telling us “what we have a right to feel or what we are expected to feel in particular situations” (Wood, p. 177). I thought these perspectives gave useful insight because it focuses on certain aspects that may affect us without us even realizing it. When physiological influences happen, we probably brush them aside because we think it is a result of the emotion instead of the other way around. Social influences explain why certain emotions are reserved for certain situations.

Concept from Chapter 7

The concept from this week that I really liked was Own Your Feelings. It relates back to Chapter 4, and although short, I thought it covered important ideas when communicating. Using I language when communicating to ourselves and others is important because it indicates responsibility. When you approach people with criticism, I language will be much more receptive than you language. It shows others that we recognize what we feel, as opposed to putting the blame on others. By acknowledging others through acknowledging ourselves, we are more likely to focus on specific behavior. If we do not like something that someone did to us, using I language will be more likely to invoke a thoughtful response. I felt that keeping this in mind when communicating with others will cause less conflict. Many times, conflicts and disagreements are not resolved because both parties fail to acknowledge themselves. It is much easier to put the blame on others without owning up to our own responsibility in the matter. Arguments than arise, no one hears anyone, and everyone leaves feeling more frustrated than before.

Listening Tips

Wow! This guide was really simple and useful! I found that a lot of the recommendations were areas I could connect with. Listening is definitely a lot harder if you have no interest in a subject, but if you have already invested your time in it, it would be useful to and learn something new. I thought the second point was also interesting. Delivery affects how you may feel about a presentation, but it is important to remember that it is the topic you are hoping to learn more about. The fourth point resonated with me a lot because I am always looking at tips to be a better listener in information presentations. I have to agree with the guide that my biggest fear is missing something important. The problem with this is that the focus becomes fixated on all the facts. Soon, I will find myself overloaded with information and unable to recall the main ideas. Being flexible is also crucial to being a better listener because we have to be able to adapt. A system might work well in one situation, but be less effective in another. A good note taker is able to change with what they are being presented with. The guide was very useful and offered good tips. The main thing to take away from this is that listening is a continuing learning process and takes practice and dedication.